This week's Torah portion, boasts many famous firsts:
First land purchase by the family of Abraham (he buys the Cave of Machpelah following Sarah's death, as a family burial site),
It's named for a woman (Chayei Sarah, Sarah's life),
Torah's first mention of spousal love (Isaac and Rebecca)
Isaac and Ishmael reunite (to bury their father, Abraham - also in the Cave of Machpelah)
As I read the parsha this week, I was struck by a first I had never before noticed. It seems that Chayei Sarah can also add to its list:
The first time that the Torah tells us of a women being asked for consent.
In the 21 or 22 generations that have elapsed since "the beginning" (that is, b'reisheet - creation), dozens of men have taken several dozen women as wives. In each of these couplings, the word used is just that: taken. This verb lakachat (to take) appears over and over in the ten generations that unfold between Adam & Eve and Noah and the subsequent ten between Noah and Abraham. In both genealogy list and narrative, men are described as "taking" wives (whom are sometimes named, and sometimes not - we know neither the names of Noah's or Lot's wives). Whether or what kind of agency these women had in their marriage arrangements is not discussed, even in the case of Sarah; they are simply "taken" as wives.
In this week's parsha, though, we encounter a very different narrative. Abraham sends Eleazar, his most trusted servant, to find a wife for Isaac, and... we all know the story (in case you don't, click here for a refresher on Rebecca watering the camels at the well). After Eleazar identifies Rebecca and speaks at length with her family, he is eager to return home to take Rebecca to her new husband. It is at this point that there is an exchange I had never before noticed in the text.
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֲלֵהֶם֙ אַל־תְּאַחֲר֣וּ אֹתִ֔י וַֽיהוָ֖ה הִצְלִ֣יחַ דַּרְכִּ֑י שַׁלְּח֕וּנִי וְאֵלְכָ֖ה לַֽאדֹנִֽי׃ וַיֹּאמְר֖וּ נִקְרָ֣א לַֽנַּעֲרָ֑ וְנִשְׁאֲלָ֖ה אֶת־פִּֽיהָ׃ וַיִּקְרְא֤וּ לְרִבְקָה֙ וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ אֵלֶ֔יהָ הֲתֵלְכִ֖י עִם־הָאִ֣ישׁ הַזֶּ֑ה וַתֹּ֖אמֶר אֵלֵֽךְ׃
[Abraham’s servant] said to them, “Do not delay me… let me go on my way and return to my master.” And [her family] said, “Let us call the girl and ask for her reply.” They called Rebecca and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” And she said, “I will.”
Rebecca's family, presumably her father and her brother Lavan, do not understand the choice to send their daughter/ sister off to marry Abraham's son as their choice to make. It is clear from the text that the decision is, ultimately, Rebecca's. It is only when she consents - affirmatively states "I will" - that her family permits her to leave with Eleazar and return to Abraham's camp.
But, what of this verb lakachat? What word is used when Isaac and Rebecca marry? That's just the thing. It's not lakachat. Rebecca is not "taken" by Isaac - she never could have been. Marrying him was her choice. The word used, rather, when the two of them unite for the first time is famously "love."
וַיְסַפֵּ֥ר הָעֶ֖בֶד לְיִצְחָ֑ק אֵ֥ת כָּל־הַדְּבָרִ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָשָֽׂה׃ וַיְבִאֶ֣הָ יִצְחָ֗ק הָאֹ֙הֱלָה֙ שָׂרָ֣ה אִמּ֔וֹ וַיִּקַּ֧ח אֶת־רִבְקָ֛ה וַתְּהִי־ל֥וֹ לְאִשָּׁ֖ה וַיֶּאֱהָבֶ֑הָ וַיִּנָּחֵ֥ם יִצְחָ֖ק אַחֲרֵ֥י אִמּֽוֹ׃
The servant told Isaac all the things that he had done… Isaac then brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he took Rebecca as his wife. Isaac loved her and found comfort after his mother’s death.
So, what do the two have to do with one another? What is the connection between this first narrative in which a woman is asked for consent, and the first mention of love between two members of a couple?
I would argue... EVERYTHING!