I don't know if it was the headlines like "Ten Topics to Avoid at the Thanksgiving Table" and "Worst Ways to Share News with your Family" filling my social media feed, or the smell of pumpkin pie and stuffing wafting through the air, but as I read this week's Parsha, I couldn't help but notice a certain theme emerge.
From its very first lines describing the struggle in-utero between twin brothers Jacob and Esau, Parshat Toldot is filled with accounts of the fraught family dynamics between the members of the family of Isaac and Rebecca.
Sibling rivalry: Esau and Jacob war in their mother’s womb – a rivalry that will continue throughout their lives and be passed down to their descendants.
Dishonesty about relationship status: Isaac tries to pass his partner Rebecca off as his sister.
Subversion of family order: Esau allows his brother to purchase his birthright for a bowl of red soup.
Tensions with in-laws: Esau marries, and his two wives are described as “a source of bitterness” to his parents.
Parents who play favorites: Rebecca helps Jacob fool Isaac into giving him the family blessing.
Going to extremes to please one’s family: Esau, knowing his parents disapproved of his first two wives, seeks out the family of Ishmael (his father’s brother) to marry someone from his family.
Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude. It is a time to gather around the table with family and dear friends and reflect on the abundance in our lives. For many, Thanksgiving is a time to relax and to let one's hair down and laugh with the people they love most - but we also know that this is not universally true. Family can be complicated, and holidays have a way of compounding these complexities.
And so, in honor of this Shabbat following Thanksgiving, I want to offer us all a blessing. As we read this week's parsha and parse the challenging relationships and dynamics of our foremothers and forefathers, may we find the ability to be gentle with ourselves in matters of own families. And, as we hold both their and our own stories (in all of their complexity) may we find accompaniment in both our own contemporary moment - and across the unfolding generations.